Meditations on the Art of Enjoying Obligations
I'm a nearly 44 year old rider with more race starts behind him than in front of him. For me the Holidays are about family, and my bike is how I get to work. This season my dad flew all the way to Virginia from California to be with our family of four, and my kids are still young enough to believe in Santa. When I pondered the idea of doing 500k that was what was in my face, I have to spend time with my family, and I didn't think I could commit about 20 hours to riding over that week. But riding is fun I thought, it will be a nice distraction. And I do want to line up in 2014 and the kilos couldn't hurt. Of course, once I took on the challenge it quickly started to feel like a job. I had to plan out what I had to do and when, and I did what many of us do when faced with fulfilling on commitments, I began to resist.
This quickly got worse. I pulled 75k on the first day but found no time on Christmas as I spent it playing with the slot car set I bought for my nine year old boy. I'm used to doing about 225k a week, so this challenge was double my normal mileage, and I was already behind. I decided to be creative. On day three my dad was due at the airport at 4 p.m., and I had my father-in-law drop me off north of Dulles, on the bike trail, to knock out 50k. I got back well after dark with one of my feet frozen as it was in the 20s. The pressure of the obligation to ride, as I was behind on the distance curve/time left, grew and weighed on me.
A ride out to Cyclelife in DC on day 4 to buy some booties and glove shells gave me some time to think. I was going to finish day four at 200k. Rain was forecast for one of the last days, and I began to resist the idea of completing the challenge very strongly. I was doing fine physically as I had been riding rather easily. I began to ponder what I was really resisting, and I noticed for the first time that I was relating to the challenge like it was a job, and that was sucking the joy out of something I love. I realized that in 2006, the last year I raced a full season, I had done the same thing, and that that was actually what made me quit.
In the ensuing years though, I gained a lot of experience learning to love my obligations, because of my kids mainly. I do a lot of things I'm obligated to do for them with a great deal of joy, which was what made this Christmas so much fun. On my way home from the shop I figured this out, and shifted my focus on the challenge to loving it in that same way. The kilometers changed from dull to interesting. The next day I was getting ready to go pull 100k and my 5 year old daughter started begging me to ride with her. It was already 12:30 p.m. and I need all the daylight left to do my ride. So I put lights on my bike and spent an hour riding with her and playing at the playground, then went and had a great ride. On the way home I saw an owl. I saw a four point buck. A guy in a Colavita pro kit caught me and I rode with him for a bit, even pulled through. I've always loved the outdoors as the setting for riding and it was never more present than on this challenge. It was epic.
I had more great experiences to finish the week. I rode in the rain on Sunday on my fixie, and enjoyed it very much. I rode to work and back on Monday and Tuesday, and made a friend, a fellow San Diego Chargers fan (what are the odds, in the DC area?). Shifting the focus to enjoying my obligations changed my experience from freezing in the dark, to the warmth of new friends, and the joy of discovery, both of my surroundings, and myself, my higher, truest self. Transcendence is what has always drawn me to cycling, and it was a true gift to receive that once again.
Time for change at the top of cycling - response to Greg Lemond
I'm not sure that everyone knows that a few years ago Thom Weisel, who ran Tailwind Sports (US Postal and Discovery), became a powerful figure in USA cycling. He founded the USA Cycling Development Foundation and raised millions of dollars for USA Cycling. His former masters racing teammate Steve Johnson is the current head of USA cycling. This is why Greg Lemond wants to try to pull the rug out from under USA Cycling, because of the connections of those in power there to Lance Armstrong, and by extension to the institutionalized doping that in that team that was described in the USADA report.
Lemond believes that there is widespread cronyism in the sport's governance, and if we want to root drug use out from pro cycling, one of the things that needs to be addressed is the 'leadership' of the sport, or lack thereof. Mr. Weisel was quoted in 2008 as saying doping in cycling should be handled internally. "Handle the problem below the surface and keep the image of the sport clean," he said. "In the U.S. sports—baseball, basketball, football—most fans couldn't care less." (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704457604576011490820993006.html)
On August 17th, the UCI tried to stop USADA from pressing its case against Armstrong by manipulating USA cycling: "We request USA Cycling to promptly instruct USADA that it has no authority to act or proceed,” the UCI's letter said (http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/sports/cycling/story/2012-08-17/lance-armstrong-doping-case-usada/57123262/1). It is important that with UCI acting to consistently sweep doping under the rug that the USA must have an organizational structure that is clear in its commitment to out dopers. With Johnson’s links to Weisel and Armstrong, it seems possible that we could probably have better leadership on the doping front. This flowchart has a lot of details about how all of these people are connected: http://www.sandcreeksports.com/documents/ArmstrongChart.pdf
The true problem is that the fox is guarding the hen house across the universe of this sport. The vested interest of all of the cycling bodies is for healthy cycling, and as Weisel asserted that means don’t rock the boat. With organizations like the UCI skidding on the matter, this whole case wouldn’t have proceeded without USADA, which stands apart from cycling. That process needs to become institutionalized in cycling, and the UCI stands firmly in the way of this, and thus, progress. It is unclear to me that USA Cycling stands as a proactive force for change and a guiding light toward clean sport.
I therefore support the general sentiments expressed by Greg Lemond. It is up for people like us to work out the details of whether a ‘revolution’ is possible within the system, or if it must be done outside of it and I believe that it is our duty to advocate for USA Cycling to promote a stand-alone anti-doping system. Change must come at the top levels of leadership in cycling governance, either in their policies or in their personnel, and that is clearly Lemond’s point. If we fail in these efforts, no sane parent will allow their child to pursue cycling and we will see American power in cycling reduced accordingly.
Mark Kerlin
Manhattan in the house
I'm sure you checked Maritzio Fondriest of the famed mid/late 80s - early 90s Italian Del Bongo team on http://www.bigringriding.com/ today. Rocking the World Champion's jersey, he is showing it off in the rain. He's so stylish, it takes a stuidied eye to notice he is no fool. He's hardman enough to ride/race in the rain, but he is wearing a hairnet helmet under his cycling cap. Photo probably pre-dates Giro style helmets. I lived in Santa Cruz when those came out, Giro's hometown, and many in the local peloton rocked them before the pros even had true access. Fairly modern shades and a Quill stem with Campy Record levers and some kind of monster crafted steel beast between his legs, he is uncowed by the weather. Bet old silk racing tires hold up well against glass in the rain. He had to work hard to display the panache, having been handed the world title by two scarred veterans: Canadian Steve Bower and Belgian Claude Criquillion (sp?) who had crashed together while dueling for the finish the previous year, which predates my start as a cycling fan ever so slightly. While Crick raged from the ground and Bower glowered, Fondreist rode through for the win. I assume that was when the morbidly obese lady sang.
2011 TDF
Out of 23 Tours I have watched 15 of them have been basically lopsided wins by heavy favorites. Of those year where favorites won only two: '95 and one during the Lance era, 2003, were closely contested. Of the other years I remember 1989, 1998, 2006, and 2008 as pretty dramatic. This year was probably more interesting than any tour but 1989. Many of the stages were hotly contested and intensely dramatic. For example stage sixteen saw a long break succeed. It was a mountain stage and three riders rode clear of the break on the climb, with 30k of descending and flat to the finish. A massive pursuit race developed between the riders and the outcome hung in doubt until the conclusion of the stage. There were many stages like that, and the overall race outcome was likewise in doubt until the penultimate stage. Great tour.
Labels: 2011 Tour de France
Why I Quit Racing
In the context of a discussion about a driver who killed a cyclist I had an email exchange with Scott Thompson, and he asked my why I quit racing, after I had had such an amazing year racing in 2006. Here are my thoughts.
Yeah I guess I achieved what I wanted, I proved I could come back from all my injuries and make it to cat 2. Problem was I didn't really find cat 3 to be all that challenging, I was top five in every race that I had a right to be top five in, I don't really want to do masters and race with cat fours, and if I race pro,1,2 I'm racing people with no life but the bike. It just didn't feel like there was a place for me anymore. And honestly, racing is very repetitive. There are only so many courses and the people and tactics are basically the same. It is dangerous, expensive, time-consuming, and exhausting. I guess I just didn't feel like I was getting much out of it.
The fire to race just went out of me and you can't be lukewarm about racing, you have to be crazy for the bike and for the win or there is just no point. So I just took my upgrade and my cat 2 license is on my fridge. Also factoring heavily into all this is the fact that I have broken my left ankle twice, my left thigh in two places (still has a femur-length plate) my right foot also was broken, and my right tibia (very bad break just below the knee). All the racing and training was putting a lot of strain on my body and my past injuries and I was just tired of being in pain all the time. I'm going to start physical therapy for some of that stuff after my vacation next week.
Craig Clark's accident has underlined the danger part as well, although we all know that you can get hit by a bus just as easily as die in a bike race.
We have another child due in 2-3 months and I'm looking forward to that.
The thing I love best about cycling is the gamesmanship. The physical aspect is secondary to me. I love the tactics. Watching the Tour this year trying to figure out CSC's tactic on the Alpe, that was so awesome. Seeing the two up sprint the next day, amazing fun. I felt like I had figured out just about everything I could about the tactics, and I was just done. Lately I've been playing a lot of Warcraft, I'm learning a lot about gamesmanship there. I might write a book on it someday, game theory, that sort of thing. It's a subject that has always fascinated me.
If you look at how I raced you can see that. For example my win in Bunny Hop taking it all the way from the second to the last corner to the line. That win was equal part daring tactics, cornering skill, and speed.
Remembering Jay Moglia's First Race
So I was checking out Jay Moglia's blog the other day. http://rawtalent.lostriverbarn.com/
I like it.
It got me to thinking about his first race so I wrote up a post about our trip.
It was in Wilkes Barre, PA. We drove up the night before in my 1976 BMW 2002. Black. Roof Racks. Spent the night in some motel. Nasty four corner crit course with a one lane road between turns 2 and 3. Rectangle. Slight rise between turn four and the finish line. Turn two had a rough surface in addition to being narrow and some guy was whining/yelling at me for racing in the turns. I did the 3s while Jay did 4s or citizen or whatever they had then don't remember but I remember Jay spent the whole race about 15 meters off the back. He was on the Behemoth (Cannondale touring bike) with the Girvin flexstem.
We were both working for Pro courier at the time. Their fleet of couriers was four. Me (three days a week), Jay, Andre (he also rolled in a white Chevette with his girl sometimes) and a guy named James, who later started his own courier business, the James Express (which consisted of him only). James rolled on a hybrid and while I'm sure he could get going pretty fast, I think we probably snickered a bit at the name. Us going racing left them shorthanded. So John the dispatcher came downtown and covered for us, doing like 57 runs or something.
Used to see James on the street for years but he finally disappeared for good around 2003. Also kept in touch with John for a longish time, he went into the trucking business. He did some long haul trucking and dispatching for a company down in Springfield, bought a house around Lorton with his 2nd wife. Finally lost touch with him around 2001. Andre was a shady haven't seen him in 15 years.
Good times.
The 2007 Tour de Farce (France)
I find it very difficult to believe that anyone who hasn't been Lost for the last ten years finds the events in this year's Tour de France to be even remotely surprising. Let's review:
2006 Floyd Landis: need I say more? Ok I will. He was doing something unbelievable, riding the Tour well with a bum hip. I have a bad hip and let me tell you it can hurt like heck and be very very performance impairing. He blew up and lost tons of time one day and then returned the very next day to smash faces. It seemed impossible and if we remember good old theologian Occam, the simplest explanation is the most likely one, namely it is no surprise that he turned back a positive test as the story was just too good to be true.
1999-2005 Lance Armstrong. Dogged by doping accusations, he never tested positive. Ok. I used to believe in the Easter Bunny, and I suppose it is possible that he exists, but chances are he is just a myth. My point is simply that as more and more of his close competitors are outed as drug cheats, it becomes progressively more difficult to believe that he raced clean. I want to believe. But the thick corruption in the sport makes it so difficult to conclude that he was the exception to the rule that the Tour winner doped. Is it possible. Sure. But I'm skeptical.
1998 Marco Pantani - who died of a cocaine overdose recently. If I remember correctly, though he didn't test positive during that Tour, he was caught with performance enhancing drugs at other times. In this case (1998) he was simply not caught red handed with EPO and steroids in his room like so many others were. Again, the answer Occam would give: the winner doped.
1997 Jan Ullrich. Caught up in Operation Puerto (OP) he was forced out of last year's tour and out of the sport this year. Ullrich was a teammate of Bijarne Riis in in 1996 and 1997. Riis won the 1996 Tour. Riis admitted this year to taking EPO and famously invited officials to come take his yellow jersey, which is in a box at his house. It is more than reasonable to assume that Riis's protege, 1997 winner and 1996 runner up Jan Ullrich, was dirty all those years he chased Armstrong, which again makes it even harder to believe Armstrong was clean. It does seem to me that the dedication of Armstrong exceeded that of Ullrich, but it is possible that is simply a bill of goods that I've been sold by the media. Other riders who finished just behind or around Ullrich and Armstrong such as Joseba Beloki and Alex Vinokurov have since been discredited in drug scandals. 1996 & 1997 Occam would say: The winner doped.
It always seemed strange that Riis, a guy who was simply a domestique for Super U/Castorama for so many years suddenly started winning Tour stages late in his career and then dethroned Big Miguel Indurain. With the confession of Riis, we realize that it was in fact unbelievable. The winner doped. A product of the East German system if I remember correctly, can anyone truly be surprised that Ullrich followed the path of Riis?
1991-1995 EPO was around but couldn't be reliably tested for. Many cyclists died in those days from EPO related problems. As I recall from an ABC TV report, 14 Dutch and Belgian riders died suddenly while the doping doctors were working out how to deal with the side effects of EPO on cyclists around the year 1989 or 90. A young Dutch widow of one of those men wondered why in a wrenching interview. The winner of those five tours was Miguel Indurain. He was a very very big talent and a very big man. I always found it a bit more than human that in addition to winning time trials by 3 minutes, a 6' 2" guy @172 lbs could stay with the best climbers in every single mountain stage. Despite the fact that there is no evidence and that he never returned a positive test, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that what he did was impossible to explain without the addition of drugs. Just following Occam here that the simplest explanation is the most likely. The winner doped. If you see something that seems unbelievable, it probably is unbelievable.
In this year's Tour I found it amazing to watch Rasmussen winning the final mountain stage while not even looking tired. If you have read through the Book of John, you remember the story of the doubting Thomas. Thomas couldn't believe that Jesus was risen from the dead until he saw the wounds that Jesus bore. Jesus told the Eleven that a man who could see and believe was blessed, but a man who could believe on faith was even more blessed. I don't think Jesus had ever seen the Tour de France...I'm through believing things that I see that just don't seem possible. If somebody can ride almost an entire Tour and not even look fatigued at the end of the final uphill test, it is simply unbelievable. If I big man can destroy small men in time trials and keep up with them over the biggest mountains I call BS. As W.C. Fields said, a thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
Until I'm convinced the Tour and professional cycling at large is clean, I will not believe what I see if it seems inhuman. I will not waste my time on what is essentially a reality show. The things I'm seeing appear to be real, they are really happening, but they just can't be believed. Suspension of disbelief is for movies, not sport. I invite all cycling fans everywhere to adopt The Kerlin Axiom: The Tour winner doped unless there is a compelling reason to believe otherwise.
You have to understand how much it pains me to say this. Until this year I had seen almost every broadcast minute of every stage of the Tour de France going back to 1989. I borrowed videos from the four or five years prior to that. I used to tape 30 minute or one hour broadcasts on ESPN 2 at 1:30 AM. I went to Paris on my honeymoon and saw the final stage of the 2002 Tour, the elbow of some guy pressed hard into my ribs for hours in the hot sun so I could be on the barrier and see Armstrong lap the Champs while a French secret service cop cursed and kicked the curb when Jalabert's break was caught in his final tour. When the Tour is losing fans like me, the sport is in big, big trouble. At this point, asking Jesus to do something may not be a bad idea, because the mortals seem to be at a loss for a fix.
